Scars
by Synoir
Summary: "You and I, then?" Sirius asked. Remus' whole body stopped. His throat dried up, his lips opened in shock. "You and I," Remus said. ' Muggle AU WolfStar for Mature Readers (Warnings Inside)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Characters from the Harry Potter universe belong to JK Rowling. No profit is being made by this work of fanfiction. Except LOVE.**

 **WARNINGS: This story is for MATURE readers. There are sexual situations (I mean SMUT people), coarse language and mentions of child abuse and suicide. No further warnings will be made; read responsibly and in awareness.**

 **Thank you to my brilliant and wonderful Beta MechEngMama who made me love this story more than I did before.**

 _ **Thanks to her help I will be re-posting the first three chapters all in their edited glory. This was a much needed improvement, for now I feel much better about this story.**_

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People expected to see great art in museums, or inside those giant expensive books on art...

But when you come across a breathtaking, mind blowing, surprising piece of art in your _home,_ there is a voice in the back of your head telling you how talentless you are.

Remus was standing in shock before his flatmate's latest piece. He frankly hadn't seen this coming. Sirius was always sketching away in tattered and poorly cared for sketchbooks. His untrained eye must have missed the talent behind those drawings. Sirius never seemed to focus while moving a charcoal vine or a pencil, or even a ballpoint pen on the paper, seemingly uncaring about the result. Remus never noticed that the man, covered in homemade tattoos, wearing an old leather jacket, chain smoking and drinking cheap beer in back alley pubs, was able to create such a work that required the highest possible concentration and determination.

He felt slightly guilty about not seeing his talent; and it wasn't because he didn't watch him closely. On the contrary; Remus Lupin couldn't keep his eyes off of Sirius Black.

When Sirius had cloistered himself in the attic of 333 Diagon Alley, Remus had thought he wanted to be left alone. When Sirius left to go to the pub earlier that evening leaving the attic door open; almost like an invitation; Remus got curious. Of course, he had to remind himself that he wasn't technically doing anything wrong. The attic was part of their shared flat, so technically it belonged to them both.

So now he was looking at a painting that was placed on the only straight wall in the room. It was surrounded by references for the painting, photographs of a dark haired middle-aged woman in smart attire and a rigid yet noble posture, accompanied by sketches of the same woman from different angles. The woman was essentially beautiful with high cheekbones and shapely lips, but her hair in a perfectly made bun and the stiffness of her neck and spine along with the way her nose seemed to be bit higher than normal reminded him an evil queen archetype. Other photographs were showing a house that looked like it belonged to a Victorian nobleman. These were clearly the main setting for the painting's background. There were also pictures of anatomical hearts, pictures of several female corpses with chests opened up in the autopsy table, and photographs of female bodies lying on the ground in a crime scene.

All these images came together in the painting in the most grotesque, and yet utterly romantic, way. The subject of the painting was the woman in the sketches. She was lying on a carpet with Persian designs and wearing a dark green dress that flowed towards the viewer like gentle movements of lake water; her chest open, showing her dark red heart. The deathly paleness of her face, hand, feet, and the dirty white of her exposed bones were the only surface on the painting that gave this dark masterpiece some light aside from the tiny reflections found in the background. The rest of it was a room painted in great detail, yet covered; almost swallowed; by darkness.

Remus didn't know how long he stood there, watching the painting and discovering every little detail hidden inside the obscurity. He wondered at what made the artist who created this. He didn't hear when the said artist had entered the room until he said:

"Do you like it then?"

Remus turned around and looked at Sirius, who was wearing a white shirt and had a cigarette between his fingers.

"Yes," he said, then added, thinking one word was not enough, "Yeah, I do."

Sirius chuckled and lifted his cigarette to his lips. Remus watched as he inhaled, his cheeks suctioning slightly and attracting his attention to his sharp cheekbones. Sirius Black was a thing of beauty; all masculinity but with a face that can inspire the angels. He was made of the contrast of sharp edges and round turns; pale skin and black hair; grey eyes and pink lips; dark gazes and warm smiles... Remus swallowed the saliva that was starting to collect in his mouth, and returned to the painting; half to hide his flushing cheeks, half to find something concrete to say.

"I've never seen one of your paintings before," he said, still not looking at Sirius. "I'd love to see the others; if you'd allow it."

Sirius laughed lightly.

"You didn't ask permission to see this one," Sirius said. "Why for the rest?"

"The door was open," Remus said without meaning to, and cringed inwardly as he did so. He hated how defensive he sounded.

Sirius laughed a little louder this time and Remus couldn't help but look at him. Sirius gave him a smile that crinkled the skin around his eyes.

"It's really okay, Remus, just joking," he gestured with his hand to the spot where canvases were covered in pieces of cloth. "Just pretend they are old books while touching them, and we'll be fine."

Grinning at the innocent jibe to his love of books, Remus moved towards the covered paintings eagerly. Upon revealing the first painting, he inhaled sharply. The painting was looking at him with the dead eyes of a man that looked like Sirius, only older. High cheekbones, a distinguished nose, shapely eyebrows that curved beautifully over the man's eyes... The resemblance was eerie.

The portrait wore a black suit, and a burgundy waistcoat with his thumb and index finger inside the small pocket. It would have been just another portrait of an aristocrat if not for the pair of thin, skeletal and clearly female hands that was holding his throat, strangling him. Behind the man was a curtain, half covering a window that opened to the night sky. Remus noticed the stars shining brightly, and silhouettes of three birds, possibly ravens, flying. Remus looked at Sirius, who looked perfectly at ease while watching him in silence.

"He's my father," he said when he met with Remus' eyes.

"And the woman-" Remus began to ask.

"Mother, yes."

"So, you killed your parents in your paintings?" he found himself asking, all the while thinking that he probably shouldn't.

"I just, sort of, painted who they are," Sirius said with a shrug.

Remus always knew, even though he tried not to think about it, that Sirius and his parents had a dark history. Not that they ever talked about it. It was the scars.

Shortly after he had moved in, Sirius had been standing in the kitchen without a shirt on, making coffee, when Remus had noticed deep scars on his back. He hadn't known where to look. Sirius was only wearing a pair of grey pyjama bottoms that left so little to Remus' imagination, and he had a tattoo of a symbol at his side that was just disappearing under the waistband. The image, along with the fact that he just _knew_ those scars were private made him run away from the kitchen and hate himself for his own weakness.

Remus had scars too, covering left side of his face and parts of his body from the time that he was attacked by an abused, angry and scared dog when he was just five years old; the scars had grew with him. Never once Sirius looked at them with pity, or disturbing curiosity. He just accepted Remus like he was, like the scars were just a part of him. Never once in his life Remus felt so accepted before meeting Sirius; even his mother couldn't look at him without seeing his scars. Why couldn't he just show the same courtesy towards Sirius?

But of course, Sirius' scars were different, Remus thought. They were not scars that one could have in a fight, or a simple attack. They were the signs of someone that was beaten without having a chance of defending themselves. They were the signifiers of abuse; Remus knew that and it made him hate Sirius' parents. It was obvious in the way that Sirius never mentioned them. His family was as if they didn't exist.

Looking at the paintings and the photographs of Sirius' mother though, Remus thought maybe they did exist in Sirius' life in more than one way. Not only in forms of scars, but in the way that he always opened the doors for women, and pulled out their chairs as if it was the most natural thing to do. When Sirius moved with catlike grace and acted like a gentleman in the most dingy club, it never seemed unnatural or forced. He had thought that it was the way he flirted with women; never reading more into that. But if he were honest with himself he had just ignored the aristocrat in his friend; he had ignored the life Sirius left behind. He had ignored the fact that Sirius had Catullus and Apuleius in Latin in his bookshelves; that he could sing the Bohemian Rhapsody perfectly while he was drunk, and waltz with Lily Potter in the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley after a night of clubbing without a single misstep.

How many more things had he ignored about Sirius Black? How many more layers did he have? And should he continue ignoring what he does to him? Should he also ignore the urge in him that tried to convince him to get closer to Sirius, to get to know him better, know what lay under his skin?

Sirius didn't move when Remus took a step towards him, he just continued to look at him. Remus watched as Sirius' eyes darkened and he knew that his own heartbeat was trying to break a new record. He cradled Sirius' neck with his hand and leaned in.

Sirius didn't push him, like Remus half expected him to. Instead he kissed him back with an unmistakable intent. A second into their kiss and they were grabbing at each other, fighting over dominance, knowing neither of them would back down. Every need for a breath was a gasp, a bite on the neck, a suck on an earlobe and then they would meet with their mouths again. Their bodies were perfectly aligned; Sirius had made sure of that by holding Remus' arse with a firm grip, pulling him towards himself. Remus let out a moan deep from his chest when he felt that Sirius was hard beneath the rough texture of his jeans and put his hands under his t-shirt, feeling his smooth skin and removed his t-shirt. Immediately returning to kissing him, Remus felt Sirius grin under the pressure of his lips and felt as he moved his hands to unbuckle Remus' belt. Remus mimicked his movements and blindly opened the front of Sirius' jeans kissing his neck, his shoulders and then his chest. He bit his nipple playfully, noticing a guttural noise coming from Sirius as a response. Remus couldn't stop his laughter as he continued his downward movement.

"You think it's funny, do you?" Sirius said; his voice teasing and playful.

Remus looked at him, as he knelt in front of him and met Sirius' grinning face.

"I'm going to suck your cock now Sirius," he said.

"Shit" Sirius said as Remus took him into his mouth.

First thing Remus noticed was the taste of Sirius in his mouth. The second thing he noticed was that Sirius loved to talk. Everything Remus did, earned a response. Sirius praised, guided and praised more. Remus felt elevated, self-assured. Sirius Black obviously knew how to make someone feel important while they were on their knees and sucking him off. It didn't take long either; soon Sirius was grunting unintelligibly and coming into his mouth. Remus continued his suction as he swallowed. Freeing his mouth, he gave Sirius a gentle kiss on his thigh.

"Fuck, Remus," Sirius said and pulled his hair so Remus would stand up and kissed him. "I've wanted this for too long."

"Yeah," Remus said. "Me too..."

Sirius suddenly had his playful grin once again:

"I believe I'm going to take you to my room now, Lupin," he said as he palmed Remus' erection.

Giving into how he felt about Sirius Black was the best damn decision of Remus' life.

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 **Please leave a review if you liked it. It means the world to me!**

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Synoir**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to my lovely beta MechEngMama!**

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Remus woke up feeling both sore and rejuvenated. He could feel Sirius' fingers tracing the scars on his shoulders lightly. In that half awake moment, there were no thought of them being untouchable or shameful; instead he moaned, enjoying his new lover's gentle caress.

"Hey," he heard Sirius call to him towards reality.

Remus stirred and looked at Sirius, who was sitting with his back to the headboard of the bed, the pillow straightened for his comfort and a lit cigarette between his fingers.

"Really Sirius, smoking before breakfast?" Remus said teasingly, a big grin across his face. Sirius offered it to him with an equally cheeky grin, laughing when Remus didn't give it back. Instead Sirius reached to his bedside table, allowing Remus to check out his arse as he did so, and took another cigarette from his pack.

They sat side by side in companionable silence as they smoked their early morning cigarettes. It was easy to be silent with Sirius, Remus thought; they had a friendship that allowed that; he knew how rare a thing that was. They were often penniless by the end of the month. So instead of going out they would stay at home together. Thanks to that they had gotten used to each other's existence in the same place early on so they'd stay at home together, and gotten used to each other very early on. Once Remus met Sirius' friends their social life had become inseparable. Sirius' best mate James and his wife Lily accepted Remus readily, as if he was their long lost brother; much to his surprise. Lily doted on Remus just as she did on Sirius, while James often found his way to their flat with a couple of beer cans for everyone and some stupid idea that usually involved trashcans and something flammable.

Remus knew their friendship was not a fluke. He had never felt more accepted, or loved by people before meeting the trio and their extended friends. The trust between Remus and Sirius had grown into this silence they now shared, and the fact that they had passed from friends to lovers, one would expect them to be unsure and uncomfortable; _worried_. But Remus knew that whatever came out of this they'd be okay. He knew it would be hard to accept if Sirius wished to remain only friends, because he wanted more out of this but it wouldn't be irreparable. So with that peace of mind he allowed himself to focus on little things instead... Like how Sirius' right foot was half out of the covers and it touched Remus' left one slightly, how the light created little shadows on Sirius' chest as the man moved, how the blanket wrinkled over their naked bodies, how Sirius' free hand snaked under the covers and found his scar on his hip...

Remus jumped slightly, suddenly self conscious. Sirius looked at him with a single eyebrow raised.

"I'm not used to my scars being touched," Remus found himself confessing.

"I understand," Sirius said.

"I know," Remus said slowly, and he did know. He knew he really did understand.

"It was my mother," Sirius said then, his voice was calm. He didn't seem bothered confessing. He even laughed as he said: "She didn't like me much, my mother."

Remus leaned and kissed his lips, and Sirius laughed into his mouth returning it.

"Want to talk about it?" Remus asked as he got comfortable in Sirius' arms. He felt Sirius shrug.

"There is not much to say, really. I wasn't what she wanted, but I don't think anyone was -or could be..." Remus looked up at him. Sirius' was looking at him, his eyes travelling on his body. "She wasn't very stable."

He grinned at Remus, and Remus grinned back:

"Madness runs in the family?" he asked jokingly.

"Oh, love, you've no idea..." They laughed but then Sirius seemed thoughtful.

"What did she do?" Remus asked, prompting him to talk.

"We were mostly alone; Mother, Regulus; my little brother; and I...And I wasn't the perfect son. I would make a mess around the house; she hated that. First it was because I disturbed Reggie. Mother hated any kind of noise in the house; there'd be no sound if she got her way. It started small," he said and shrugged. "A pull, a push... It increased naturally. You know how it is. A slap on the arm for breaking a glass; a hair pull for making Regulus play with me... Never on my face; no where people could see... As I grew up she advanced to using her riding crop, a cane or the fire poker."

Remus sat up and looked at his face, and Sirius grinned somewhat shamelessly.

"I pushed her often, to prove I was brave, that her beatings didn't get her what she wanted," he shrugged. "It was a small victory on my part."

"Bitch," Remus said with hate in his voice.

"That's true. She was, but I was used to it. I went to boarding school soon afterwards anyway. There I met James, and... My life got better. But Regulus' didn't. She never beat him before, but once I was away I think... She turned on him and Reggie wasn't used to the beatings. He stopped..."

Sirius suddenly ceased talking and take in a shaky breath.

"It affected him worse. He withdrew to himself, stopped talking to people. Even when he joined with me in school, he wouldn't talk unless he absolutely had to. He killed himself when he was eighteen."

"God, Sirius, I'm so sorry..." Remus said. Sirius remained silent.

"I ran away from home when i was 16, moving in with James' family. I just left him there... I was a shit brother."

"No, fuck no, Sirius, you were a kid!"

Sirius shook his head and pulled Remus to himself.

"I'm really sorry for your brother, Sirius. But I'm glad you got away," Remus said.

"It's not even that- I mean... I don't _blame_ myself," Sirius clarified. "I blame _her._ But it doesn't change anything, does it?"

"No, love, it doesn't," Remus could only say.

They laid there in each other's arms for a while. The silence soothed Remus.

"I was attacked by an abused dog when I was a five. The poor dog was very agitated, abused... I spend a lot of time in the hospital afterwards. My parents couldn't deal with the scars, I think," Remus took a deep breath. Compared to Sirius' story, his seemed unimportant, vain even. But he thought he had to share now that Sirius did. "Mum can't even look me in the eye.'You were such a handsome boy,' she used to tell me... I don't know, I don't even remember my life before I got the scars."

"You are handsome now," he said and Remus laughed, cringing inwardly when he noticed he didn't believe Sirius. "You _are_."

"Oh, I must look rather dangerous, eh?" he tried to joke.

Sirius laughed mirthfully and turned his body towards him.

"Yeah, there is that..." he said, followed by a kiss. "You just are," he kissed Remus' neck, soft and wet. "Handsome, sexy... I get hard whenever I see you walking without a shirt around the flat, or well... I get hard very often if you are around."

Remus took a deep breath to calm himself and turned to Sirius, reaching with his hand under the covers, to check if his words had any truth in them. Sirius leaned and kissed his mouth; soft and gentle: exploring. It wasn't long, and their hands were on each other; softly pushing skin to muscle, pulling each other's limbs, tracing lines created by scars. Even Sirius' bones felt beautiful; his wrists were strong but elegant, his fingers were long, beautiful and they were _shameless_ in their exploration of him. Sirius could touch him anywhere, anytime with those beautiful hands; and he would always love it.

Ignoring the voice in the back of his head telling him that Sirius may not want to touch him anywhere and anytime, that it could be a one-off for the man, Remus pushed his body closer to Sirius, the need to feel him on his skin (and in his bones, and his muscles, and his sweat...) was insatiable; so he pressed his mouth on Sirius' harder, more demanding. They fought with the blankets tangled around them, and they fought to gain the upper hand on each other. When Sirius began to kiss his chest, and his teeth met with Remus' nipple in a teasing bite, Remus surrendered. _Lower,_ he thought in an endless loop, _go lower, please go lower._

 _Yes._

"Oh, fuck, yes," Remus heard his own voice say in triumph as Sirius' mouth enclosed on his hard shaft. Remus didn't stop to think as he grabbed a handful of his silky hair inside his fist and held on to it.

Sirius was not teasing; he was a man on a mission to make Remus come. He didn't go slow, or build up pressure. Remus was swearing constantly as Sirius increased his unforgiving attack.

The mouth of Sirius Black was a wicked thing; it was a dark and sinful thing, shaped and moved like it knew it was the most erotic thing a man can have. But it was also brutal and unrelenting, and soon enough, he came into Sirius' mouth and watched as the raven haired man swallowed, only teasing him afterwards with little kisses on his head and thighs; and a final lick along his softening cock. Remus laughed with an intake of breath and pulled Sirius' hair to make sure he stopped; he couldn't take more of it, _no way._ His grin froze when he met Sirius' dilated pupils and his grin so feral and full of intent.

"Turn around," Sirius said, and Remus' heart pumped in his chest with anticipation.

A few seconds later Sirius was kissing his back, squeezing his flesh wherever he could, and sliding his erection between Remus' arse cheeks. It was a movement full of promise and intent. Remus felt the cold lubricant generously spread by Sirius' hand and moaned; which Sirius answered with a throaty chuckle.

Without hesitation, Sirius entered Remus, holding on to his shoulder with one hand as the other held his hips. He was gentle, and he took his time, careful in the way he stretched him.

"You feel so good," he said, his voice clouded with the strain he was putting on himself. Remus wished he could see him like this, and idly wondered if they could get a mirror on the headboard. Before he could get lost in that thought, Sirius pulled slightly and pushed; still slow but this time deeper. Remus moaned again, louder this time, every cell in his body awake, _alert._

"Yeah, I know," Sirius said in response to Remus' moan as he pulled again, and pushed with a little more force this time, but still nowhere near hard.

"Harder," he breathed, as he felt Sirius slowly pull almost all the way out of him.

He pushed inside, still slowly until he was deep inside of him with a groan that rumbled from his chest before coming out of his mouth.

"Harder," he begged as Sirius continued his slow torture.

"Yes, love. Yeah. I will," He was pushing inside of him, a little more force but not enough. Nowhere near enough... "I'm gonna fuck you so hard…" he stopped with a moan as he was once again fully inside of him.

"Now," Remus demanded, and he felt as Sirius' hand on his shoulder squeeze the flesh under it as his hand on his hip strengthen their grip.

"Yeah?" Sirius asked, panting. He pulled slowly but this time entered him with force. "Like that?" He pulled and pushed again, harder. "Hmmm?" He was pulling slightly and pushing hard again, again and again. His hips strongly pistoning into Remus.

"Faster, for fuck's-" Remus felt Sirius's fingers bruising his flesh with anticipation. "Fuck me, Sirius. Come on!"

And that was it; Sirius's hips were suddenly _perfect_. He was moving, pulling and pushing, hard and fast.

"Yeah, fuck, Remus. You're perfect," Sirius was mumbling. "You fucking gorgeous man. Oh fuck. So fucking _good."_

They got tired of the position almost simultaneously. Sirius slightly shifted, panting, and Remus found himself in a slightly better angle. And just as if the few seconds of downtime was enough to build a life time of excitement, Sirius was fucking him harder, with abandon and fervour as he continued to tell Remus how good he felt, how much he loved fucking him, touching him. They were climbing and climbing together, knowing a spiral of release waiting for them at the end of the precipice that they would jump together willingly.

They found their release together, shouting each other's names and riding through it together; stars blinking, time stopping; followed by muscles relaxing from their tightness and breaths trying to find their normal pace. They fell next to each other.

A pile of sticky, sweaty mess...

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 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a review to make a writer happy!**

 **Synoir**


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again; a basket full of thank yous to my wonderful beta MechEngMama!**

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The sound of the doorbell was shrill, annoying and completely unwanted.

Remus groaned, while Sirius mumbled "What the fuck," and they simultaneously decided to ignore it, grinning at each other.

The doorbell rang again.

"We are not home," Sirius shouted.

Remus laughed at his stupidity.

"Shut up," Sirius said and Remus continued to laugh even louder. He couldn't help it. He felt wonderful.

The doorbell rang again. And again, and again...

"Who the fuck!" Sirius exclaimed as he jumped out of the bed and found a pair of pyjama bottoms, the grey ones that Remus especially enjoyed. Remus sighed, and looked at his... lover.

The doorbell was now ringing without a break.

"Coming! For fuck's sake, who is on FIRE?" Sirius shouted towards the door and left the room.

"This better be important," Remus mumbled to himself and got up, pulling on his discarded jeans as the doorbell continued to ring. Remus opened the door that Sirius half closed and met grey eyes looking at him.

"You and I, then?" Sirius asked.

Remus' whole body stopped. His throat dried up, his lips opened in shock. He nodded, knowing his voice would break if he'd speak; the wretched doorbell continued to destroy the moment.

"Say it," Sirius insisted.

"You and I," Remus said pulling Sirius' head towards himself. He kissed him, ignoring the doorbell. It was easier when his mouth was on Sirius'. Sirius stopped the kiss with a grin and touched the corner of Remus' mouth with his thumb and rushed to open the door.

"What took you so long?" Remus heard James' voice and decided to greet him instead of standing by the doorway like some sort of an idiot.

"We were kind of busy, weren't we?" Sirius answered James.

James looked at Sirius, then to Remus and to Sirius again.

"Wait a second..."

"May we ask who died?" Sirius asked.

"'Cause someone better have..." Remus continued.

"Otherwise you'll have to experience the consequences of interrupting us," Sirius finished.

James had never looked so stupid - _so_ _sheepish,_ Remus corrected himself - before.

"Well... I... Uh..."

"Shit man, get on with it!" Sirius barked.

"Lily's pregnant."

There was a two seconds of absolute silence.

"What?"

"Really?"

"Yes! Really! I'm going to be a dad!" James was grinning like a madman. "I mean we weren't planning on it, it was kind of a surprise, but it happened! She pukes all the time, and can't eat anything but oranges. I am not allowed to have bacon anymore; she can't stand the smell of it and somehow manages to smell it from the next room. And I'm quitting smoking. And... I'm going to be a dad!"

"Mate, really, congratulations," Remus said. He too couldn't hide his grin. James and Lily would be the best parents out there, he just knew it. The man himself looked giddy, and he was bouncing slightly on his feet.

"Thanks Rem," James said, with a toothy grin while Sirius pushed him towards the sofa and forced him to sit, but James jumped right back up.

"You are going to be a godfather," he said to Sirius causing him to stand still.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"You know. My parents are old. And Lily's sister is... She is a harpy. If something happens to us, you..." James stopped suddenly and looked at Sirius, who had gone pale. "I mean... It is a big responsibility, and I know this isn't something you planned. But there is no one else; there could be no one else but you Padfoot."

Remus watched as Sirius swallowed.

"Of course," he said solemnly. "Nothing is going to happen to you though."

"Yeah, I know," James said, waving his hand around. "But that was the first thing that really scared me, you know. I mean, a little human, mine and Lily's to raise and to take care of and to teach stuff and suddenly I thought, _what if I died?_ It's really scary, Pads. Thinking my child would have no one."

"Hey," Sirius stopped James' rambling. "Mate, _James_ , I'll be your kid's godfather, uncle, plush toy... Whatever that kid needs..."

James nodded like he couldn't help the movement, and then gave Sirius a bear hug. Remus was feeling as though he wasn't supposed to be there; like he was watching a private family meeting when James turned to him.

"You too? You -" James began but Remus cut him off.

"Uncle. Nanny. Since plush toy vacancy is now filled; I volunteer to be that cool uncle-slash-nanny that when your kid runs away from home they'll come to me, and I'll secretly call you so you know they're safe, while they can whinge about all the reasons why you don't understand him and how horrendous you are as a parent."

James laughed as he hugged Remus as well.

"Thanks," James said to Remus.

"No thanks needed," Remus said. "You are my family."

Remus meant what he said. James, Sirius, Lily... They were family. Even more so than his parents... Yes, he loved his parents but he hated being near them. It was a weird combination of feelings which made it impossible for him to actually develop a normal relationship with them. Their guilt about his accident had seen to that. He was always alone and often found himself wallowing because of that before he met these people that given him their acceptance and care without pity or guilt... He looked at Sirius who was smiling at him with the expression of a person who was greeting the sun.

How could three grown man be in the same room, look at each other with teary eyes and not feel ashamed, Remus didn't know. And right on cue Sirius cleared his throat with a fake cough.

"Right," he said. "Fucking emotional the lot of you... We need to celebrate. Champagne, and... Stuff... How do you celebrate a pregnancy?"

"Preferably with the pregnant woman attending," Remus said.

"Cigars!" Sirius exclaimed.

"That's for the birth I think," James said.

"And he quit smoking," Remus reminded them.

"Cigars don't count," James and Sirius said at the same time and Remus sighed.

"Of course they don't."

* * *

They didn't have champagne of course, neither did they have cigars. Instead they ate breakfast, and Sirius drank his Earl Grey with a slice of lemon while James and Remus drank coffee. They talked, or rather gossiped, about the owner of _The Quibbler_ magazine that Remus worked at; _"I am fairly certain that he actually believes in Cthulhu,"._ The offices of the notoriously weird magazine were in Diagon Alley, so Xeno Lovegood was known fairly well in the area with his eccentric behaviour. They talked about Lily's new habits that came with the pregnancy; _"She gets dizzy when she sees a curtain crooked; what's up with that?"._ They laughed when James made fun of Sirius and Remus' newly expanding relationship; they talked about their lives, their friends and their pasts.

Remus got to finally learn about how Sirius and James got their nicknames after Sirius tried to prompt Remus to write a story about the Black Dog legend.

"We were a bunch of fourteen year old kids in the dorm, yeah?" James began the tale. "So we decided to spend the night in the forest nearby. There, we light a stupid fire, and decided to tell horror stories. One of them was about _Padfoot_. But Frank had a real talent with making shit really scary..."

"That night back in the dorm, this stupid ass had a nightmare," Sirius said laughing. James glared at him.

"I was fourteen. And Frank made it sound really fucking scary!"

Sirius completely ignored James though; and continued telling his story:

"So I went to his bed, to wake him up, yeah?" Sirius said, laughing. "He wakes up, screaming like a five year old girl," here Sirius thought it was wise to actually imitate a fourteen year old James Potter's scream. "All high pitched like that-"

"Yeah, really fucking high pitched," Remus mumbled.

"-looking at me like I'm a ghost, and says: ' _Oh, I thought you were Padfoot.'_ " Sirius finished.

"The name kind of stuck after that," James said shrugging with a grin.

"What's with Prongs?" Remus asked.

"Oh, much less enticing a story," Sirius said.

"I played the Spirit of the Forest in a school play," James explained.

"Yeah, Lily was in the theatre group in school, so James joined to be near her," Sirius explained.

"She hated that I joined," James grinned.

"But they even gave him a proper role, even though he joined last minute because he was _the_ James Potter. _Most Popular Kid_ in school," Sirius sniggered.

"I was good at it!" James said.

"No, no, you really weren't," Sirius was laughing now, and rose on his chair dramatically; an act that Remus gathered that supposed to be a mockery of James performance in school, blemished by exaggerated hand movements and facial expressions: " _I am the Spirit of this Forest. You shall. NOT._ _T_ _ouuuuch. my CHILDREN! RAAAAAAAHHH!"_

"Fuck you, I wasn't THAT bad!" James said laughing.

"Yeah, you were worse, weren't you," Sirius grinned, sitting back on his chair. "He had antlers, so we started calling him Prongs. He left them everywhere."

"Funnily enough, I still have them," James looked sheepishly at Remus. "Theatre worked for me you see, Lily was impressed that I stuck through the whole thing and gave me a shot."

"You are a sap," Remus shook his head.

"What, I look good with antlers!" James said laughing.

* * *

James was long gone, and they were lying on the sofa; their plates filled with cigarette butts and empty beer cans were left forgotten on the coffee held Remus' face, right over his scar and looked at him. Remus tried not to flinch, but he knew he did a poor job of hiding it. He could forget how he looked when Sirius was with him normally. He didn't like remembering. He was thankful when Sirius ignored his discomfort completely and kissed him instead.

Even though Remus enjoyed the kiss, he still had that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that told him that they needed to talk. Saying, or not really saying, what they have between them wasn't an option for Remus. He wasn't like Sirius, who seemed to be able to change partners easily and never be bothered by it. Remus knew in the back of his head that Sirius meant more than that to him; the not-so-much-a-conversation they had while the doorbell was ringing showed him that. But still, they needed to be clear about where this was going. And Remus wanted it 'going'.

 _Forward._ For a long time.

If he could help it.

Sirius must have felt his mind's excessive thinking because he stopped and opened his closed eyes.

"Yes?" he drawled, as if to urge Remus to talk.

Remus blushed. _Of course_ , he blushed. How could he not? He was a fucking open book and he hated that. He hated that he wore his emotions on his face, he hated knowing that, and he hated that it made him look weak. He didn't want to look weak, or scared, or worried... He didn't want to _be_ either of those things either.

But...

"Are you sure?" he blurted, and immediately regretted saying it. _Who starts a talk like this from the middle,_ he thought, _you are pathetic Lupin._

Sirius' eyebrow rose, its sharp edged contrasting his soft smile. He looked sexy. He always looked sexy.

"Sure? About what?" Sirius asked. "Kissing you? Wanting you? Wanting to be with you?"

He was close to Remus, enough for him to feel his body heat, enough for him to be worried that he could hear his heartbeat.

"About... us," Remus clarified, hoping that he didn't actually sound as pitiful as he thought. "Because, I won't... I won't be okay with it if you wanted to sleep with someone else," his voice was firmer now, to Remus' relief he managed to sound clear. "It'd be me. All or nothing."

"I solemnly swear that I will only fuck you, and no one else," Sirius said.

"I'm serious," Remus said rather harshly, catching the teasing tone in Sirius' voice. Sirius' smile faltered for a second but didn't completely disappear.

"No, love, you are Remus," he grinned apologetically and Remus closed his eyes hoping Sirius to stop making light of a conversation he was trying so hard to explain what he wanted from him. "But I am... Serious, that is. Very..."

Remus opened his eyes and realized Sirius was even closer to him now, their breaths were mingling.

"You'll find that I am extremely clingy," Sirius said softly, kissing Remus' lips. "And needy..."

"What if... You wanted a woman? I've never even seen you with a man before Sirius, are you sure this is what you want?" Remus felt the truth of his feelings as he addressed them. He really was worried that Sirius would leave him for a woman, and it would be easy wouldn't it? He was charming, and every woman seemed to like him around. He was kind, and gentlemanly with a bad boy thing going on and that contradictory combination was an allure. Remus knew that. "What if in a few days time you realize you actually want a woman instead? A relationship is not a game, Siri. I take that kind of thing very seriously."

Hoping Sirius wouldn't make a joke of his last word again Remus met his eyes. Sirius' expression was unreadable, like a blank mask had suddenly covered his face, making Remus hope that he didn't push too far. Although he did want to express his worries, feelings, questions... He didn't want to lose his chance with Sirius either.

Few seconds later Sirius was nodding.

"Alright," he said, confusing Remus even further. _Alright, what?_ "We're going to have the talk."

Remus sighed relieved.

"Yes, we must...If- if it's a matter of _you and I._ "

"I'm bisexual," Sirius said.

"Yes, well," Remus interrupted with an awkward laugh. "I've noticed."

Sirius grinned suddenly, looking like a naughty child and Remus relaxed even further. Sirius really had a way of making the tension go away, and Remus was slightly grateful for that.

"Well," Sirius said taking a deep breath and started again: "I'm bisexual, which means, _to me_ , that I shag whomever I want as long as they agree with it. But aside from that- fuck, I'm really shite at explaining myself like this. Look, I... I don't have a Starbucks-line-on-a-Monday-morning number of people that I've had a relationship with, alright? I got a few. I dated a few girls in school; you know one of them actually, Marlene?"

Remus nodded, trying to extinguish the jealousy that sparked in him. He _knew_ Marlene, alright. She was one of Lily's closest friends and in their close circle of friends. He didn't say anything though, and continued to listen to Sirius:

"Well, we dated back then, ages ago, and it was sweet and awkward and ended pretty painlessly. Other than that, I had a girlfriend in art school; who almost fucking _killed_ me with a kitchen knife once, because she was upset and I didn't realize and... I had a few short ones here and there. Dating, shagging for a few weeks or few months... Nothing serious though. Some of them were exclusive, and some weren't. But I am not that man who… I won't cheat on you. Is that what you are asking? Because if you-"

"No," Remus said immediately. "I'm not expecting you to do that. No. It's more of a… I've only seen you with girls and it makes me a little worried, is all."

"Don't be. You shouldn't be worried about that, that's not very fair," Sirius said, and mussed his hair a little. Remus looked down, knowing Sirius was right. He wasn't being fair. But how could one ease their unfair worries? They didn't go away just because they weren't fair.

"But," Sirius said interrupting Remus' thought process. "I'm glad you said it now, instead of trying to off me with the wine cork when you got a little insecure."

Remus let out a loud laughter remembering what Sirius said about one of his ex-girlfriends a few minutes ago.

"No, I think I'm more of blunt instrument type of guy. Or I could always use my fists."

"I've never seen you hit someone, I'm mildly curious and a little turned on by that thought," Sirius said smiling. His voice took a flirty edge: "I hope you're okay with that..."

"Uh, yes..." Remus said, feeling himself blushing, _again_ , and blushing even more because he felt embarrassed because he had blushed in the first place. "I think I'm okay with anything about me that turns you on."

He knew Sirius was grinning at him but didn't dare to look up lest he turned red in the face permanently.

"I love that you are the wickedest creature in bed, yet you blush because I tell you that you turn me on," Sirius said. "God, Remus, is it that surprising? Haven't you noticed how hard you make me?" He licked and sucked Remus' earlobe. "Should I remind you?"

Remus growled, a sound rumbling in his chest and throat and Sirius laughed.

"You really are wicked when it comes to sex, aren't you?" he said to Remus triumphantly.

Remus shook his head, but he was grinning.

"Yeah, fucking you is really the endgame here," he said shrugging.

"Should have noticed that, you only want me for my prowess in bed..."

"Yep, you caught me," Remus said grinning. "It has nothing to do with your looks, or your voice, the way you talk, your smell..."

He looked at Sirius' eyes, and saw him looking right back.

"You know Remus," he said in a whisper. "I don't think I'll ever want someone else."

His voice even, though low, was so matter-of-fact Remus knew he meant it and even though he started his sentence with ' _I don't think_ ', it was not a mere assumption. He nodded and pulled him towards himself.

"I don't think I'll ever want someone else either," he said to his ear and kissed his neck, nuzzling right behind his ear and inhaling his scent.

Sandalwood. Leather. Cigarettes. _Sirius_.

He kissed him knowing that this could be it; the relationship that would linger on his mind forever; one of those that _made_ a person, creating their very essence on their course. It was a risk, of course, feeling this strongly for someone. But Remus found that he didn't care, he wanted this, to ride along with it and live out whatever would come with it.

They kissed until Sirius abruptly stopped and looked at him with a steady gaze.

"I think we should get a kitten," he said, grinning when Remus guffawed.

* * *

 **I really enjoyed writing James in this chapter. Also want to guess which HP character will be their cat? (Not McGonagall, come on!)**

 **If you liked this chapter please leave a review, I heard it saves a kitten's life!**

 **Howling wolves and shining stars to you all!**

 **Synoir**


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